Things that make my toddler cry #everything

Ok, these photos are totally not crying photos, because Austin has been waaaay better behaved this week. And also, when he is mid-tantrum it is stress-city people, so I’m not all jumping for the camera.

But for anyone with a toddler you’ll know that the smallest of smallest of things can lead to a full-blown ‘category A’ meltdown. Oh no.

Which leads me to this, a list of things that make my toddler cry:

1.     That he’s tired

2.     That he’s tired but doesn’t want to go to sleep

3.     That he does want to go to sleep but he can’t get to sleep

4.     Because he doesn’t want to get dressed (specifically):

a.     Putting on his jacket (it’s 3 degrees out in the morning peeps we need the jackets on!)

b.     Putting on his shoes. Full. Blown. Meltdown.

c.      Putting on his naaaaaapyyyyy…. but at least this one causes a laughing toddler running around the house getting chased. What a nice change from the TANTRUMATOR.

5.     Because he’s hungry (but doesn’t want anything I offer, and can’t tell me what he wants. Actually, that does sound pretty frustrating).

6.     Because he’s hankering for his bottle of milk like a crack addict looking for a hit (he wants it REALLLLLLLL bad). Oh gawd. We really gotta wean him off that.

7.     Because he doesn’t want to get in the pram.

8.     Because… well…. because I’m not even sure he knows half the time.

9.     Because he feels like it?

Pretty please, let this phase be done and dusted (overly optimistic? Don’t burst my bubble people!).

The seven BIG TIME risks we take as parents

There are SO many risks we take as parents, but here are my top seven (enjoy):

1. Putting a blanket on a sleeping baby. You KNOW this is a risk. And yet you can't stop yourself from doing it (what if they get cold?) Mama’s gonna keep this baby warm! And 3, 2, 1, WAAAAH.
2. Doing ‘no nappy time’ before 12 noon. Or any time. MASSIVE risk. Hello poopville. 
3. Using chocolate as a bribe… it’s a slippery slope to chocolate meals all day long… oh GAWD.
4. Getting the nail scissors out to cut fingernails. You would think having a sharp object near a wiggling child would be a bad idea. And yet here we go again, every two weeks.
5. Putting your kid in bed with you at his 4am wake up for a desperate attempt at some extra sleep ("you should be careful, you know, this could become a habit, you know" yes, yes, we KNOW).
6. That one last glass of champagne on your night off because 'you deserve it'. Because, like, everyone feels awesome at 5am in the morning after a few champers. WOOO. 
7. The old move the baby from the car seat to pram trick. SO RISKY. But when it pays off it is literally the best high five moment. 

So. Many. Risks. Just call us mama's (and dad's) modern day warriors. 

I said a BRRRRR

Yep it's cold out here! Here I was thinking geez I am owning this winter thing all late November and through December. Heading outside? Sure no probs! Cruising through the park? You betcha! Feeling cold? Eh, no biggie I'm FIIINEEEEEEE. 

Ok, did I mention it was the mildest December in London, EVER? Like, literally the warmest December on record? Ah yep. Ok so that has finished now. And here we are in January. And the weather is pretty consistently -3 to a top of 4. Hello winter!

And I'm not sure if anyone else's toddler is the same but Austin has an extreme aversion to winter clothes! Argh, it is WAY too cold to be cruising around in shorts and a t-shirt kid. The good news is we've upgraded from 'no I won't wear any form of head ware on my cute little head' to 'I will try to be like daddy and wear a flat cap for a minimal amount of time'. I am not going to sneeze at this. I will take this as PROGRESS. Who knows, by the time summer comes around we might have him in cute little bunny beanies, scarves and gloves. And then the next challenge will arrive.... sunglasses and sun hats! Damn, I am a sucker for a kid in accessories though. Oh the joys. 

How not to day tour with a toddler

We did a little day tour to Brighton over the Christmas break and although it was very pretty and we all had a great day I thought I'd share my tips on 'how not to day tour with a toddler' based on our fabulous little day trip:

• Get your toddler to wake at 4.30 am (Ok clearly we did not do this by choice. This is holy as hell early even for him).
• No problemo. Get your toddler to sleep in the car on the way. But then make sure he wakes up after 20 minutes. (F. It’s going to be a long day. Oh and no, we did not wake him up, again, but just rolling with the punches at this stage.)
• Ensure toddler is grumpy when he wakes.
• Now, mummy should go ahead and buy every toy under the sun in a desperate attempt to keep the kid happy and entertained (massive cheat method – sure to win some parent of the year awards woo).
• Walk around looking for restaurants while on the phone trying to find a restaurant that will take 5 people with a kid. (Why do I never listen to my own advice and actually get organised?!)
• End up at Pizza Express.
• Give in to the truth that you’ve always known but have been denying for the last 18 months. Pizza Express is now your life. And will be for probably the next 15 years.  
• Stare in awe at the amazeballs super parents at the table next to you dealing with four kids under four, the youngest being twins of 6 months while they sit and eat a fine old meal while having a chat with a glass of wine.
• Do tend to a bit of shop-hopping on the way back to the car and make the most wonderful purchase of a beautiful new winter coat (inspired most likely by the two glasses of wine consumed at Pizza Express). 
• Finish the day being more tired than your kid. (Honestly, how does he not get tired?)
• Sit back and realise through all the chaos he's a bloody little legend, cranky pants and all. 

Holidays... its child's play

I guess like most toddlers Austin can be a wee bit fussy when it comes to eating, sleeping, routine…,you know, just about everything. And this can make going on holidays a bit of a pain in the arse. But a few family vacays down, I think (and I hope) that we’re starting to get the hang of things…. well at least to minimise the arsieness and maximise the loveliness of holidaying with a toddler. (Yep, behind the smiling photos is a cranky toddler just waiting to BREAK OUT). 

We were pretty lucky on this trip down to East Dean to be staying in a beautiful home (hello lovely exploring photos above), we had Pat’s parents with us (wooo an extra set of hands) and we were in England so I could do a big ol supermarket shop with all of Austin’s favourites.

But for the rest of the time we’ve learnt holidaying can take some military style precision and planning (am I right mums?). I’m sure there are some people in the world who can just lug off their kids anywhere and they just sit around smiling and laughing… but after one or two (errm or 3) trial runs we’ve started to work out what works for us.

1.     First things first… pack pretty much everything… and then add the kitchen sink. If you have almost everything normal around you, your kid will never know you’ve left home, right?

2.     Ok scrap point 1, don’t pack everything, just pack the essentials. And by essentials I mean… just about everything and the kitchen sink. Ha. Bedding and sheets. Bath toys. Some of his fave toys. Oh and before bed toys and books. Eating utensils and cutlery. And bibs. And then add the rest of his riff raff… ok, the suitcase is pretty full by now.

3.    Now for all of the stuff that won’t fit in the case… just beg, borrow or steal. Ok that’s bad advice. Don’t steal. You could beg or borrow though. Or better still, check if they have them at your hotel/accommodation. A high chair is a massive MUST for us. The kid won’t eat without it. Portacot – also pretty damn critical. The kids gotta sleep. And if there’s one already at the accom then that’s one less thing to lug around. Nappies and baby wipes. They take up sooooo much room. Shall we go shopping when we get there? Maybe one or two things for mum too?

4.     And then of course there is the toddler foooood. I really do envy peoples kids who will pretty much eat anything, anywhere. We’ve started packing as many snacks, and pre-packaged foods that will get through customs (legally, of course) as possible. If the only thing he’s going to eat is a damn apple flavoured cracker then that’s a massive WIN for us.

5.     And we can’t forget all of the usual suspects: pyjamas, singlets, pants, tops, jumpers, bathers (please, SUMMER HOLIDAY next??) toothbrush, shoes, socks, comfy pants…

So ok, what have I forgotten? I’m sure I’ve forgotten something… hmmm what is it?!. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll remember…. as soon as we’ve arrived at our next holiday destination. 

A sick baby overseas

Sicily was absoloutely fabu-tabulous! But it was also hard work, especially when Austin started acting up - in a BIG way. For the first few days we weren't sure what was going on, and just put it down to lack of sleep, but when he stood in the lounge room screaming uncontrollably and nothing we did was able to stop him we knew something was up.

So here is a list for you of what not to do with a sick toddler overseas:

1. Just presume the your child is acting CRAZY because they are sleep deprived (insert late night flights, early morning starts, back to back activities, change of scenery, cot in new area, etc etc etc)

2. Start doubting yourself BIG TIME. There are a few small moments as parents that you sit back and think wow, we’ve nailed this parenting thing! (SMALL MOMENTS PEOPLE, this doesn’t happen often!) And then you have moments when all you can think is what in the world are we doing wrong? Everything? Surely? We must be the worst parents in the world! This was definitely one of those moments. 

3. When you figure out (finally) that something is up, don’t organize a doctor during the day because, you know, that would just be waaaaay to convenient. Wait until the evening for your child to have another screaming fit THEN decide that you should probably do something about it.

4. Don’t worry about turning on data roaming, having the address of where you’re staying written down, knowing how to order a taxi in Italian… let alone know where a local doctor or English speaking health professional is.

5. Forget all the kids toys in the dash to the local hospital (where the only bambino doctors are – a bit dramatic I know, but that’s where we were instructed to go for a general doctor)

6. Cry when your kid has a blood test….oh my THE TEARS, THE TEARS. Oh yeah, and then there were his tears too.

7. Just sit back and do nothing…and let your mind get the better of you of what might be wrong with your kid. So glad this is the one thing we did not do! Although it meant a two hour wait at 11pm at night surrounded by all the screaming bambino’s at del pronto soccorso, after all the drama it was just a viral infection (PHEW) and at least we could relax knowing it was nothing serious. 

Also, side note - bubbles are the best thing in the world to cheer up a sickly toddler!